35 Making Space

There comes a moment when you can simply let go. When no more inner work, another session, or another prayer is needed. There comes a moment when the prayer is answered. Recognize this moment—and gratefully accept it as your new state of being.

Fall is coming. It is still summer, but the smell of fall is in the air, even here in the Algarve, where summer is even longer. The leaves on the trees sound different, and the sun changes its angle. Maybe I would not notice all of this if I had no calendar, but I guess I would notice it anyway.

I love fall. Fall feels promising to me. I met my first boyfriend in the fall, and this opened up a whole new world for me. I love fall because I love knitwear and fireplaces, especially in Portugal. I love fire, and I love to be cuddled up in front of a fireplace. Together.

In the past years, fall has also meant sadness for me. Another fall, another winter, another year without the person I want to share my life with. Yes, there was one beautiful fireplace winter, a true gift for this man and me. But we were meant to share exactly that winter, growing, learning, opening, mirroring each other on how far we have come and how well we have done, how great and lovable we are, what amazing partners and gifts we are for another person—and then part ways. There was much more to this story, which I’ll share in another post.

Back to the fall feeling: if I were still the person I was before, I would write now: “Soon, it will be fall again.” Again is a continuation of the past. It carries the past experiences (the emotional attachment to these experiences) and also encompasses the expectations or fears for the future. Again fall, another winter.

This morning, at breakfast, I was thinking about exactly this. I was sitting on the terrace, feeling the wind, smelling the air, and listening to the leaves of fall. And a small sadness was saying: “again, fall again” in my heart. It was followed by a thought: This is not true. This year is new. I am no longer the one who used to feel this way.

I realized that it was time to let go of this small sadness, one that I had fallen into fully in the years before. And to say Yes! to my love for fall fully. To let myself have fall fully. To make space—for the sake of making space.