26 Stepping into the Center (of your own life)
Part of the never-ending tears from two days ago was caused by a love ceremony Magdalena told me about that is part of humanist weddings: the couple is at the center, expressing their love. In a circle around the couple, there is the closest family, putting their hands on the shoulders of the couple, sending them all their love and best wishes. Around the family are the friends in another circle, placing their hands on the shoulders of the family members, letting their love and wishes travel through the family to the couple in the center of all these circles.
This is so beautiful. Magdalena will get married and shared ideas about how she wants to celebrate the days dedicated to Love. I cried because all said was beautiful and because I felt that I had always been part of an outer circle of somebody else’s life—when all I wanted was to be the woman in the center, holding the hands of my man. Tears don’t come from what the past has been like if you believe in a new future. Tears come from feeling frozen in a loop that has been going on for years, the loop of the outer circle, celebrating happy moments in other people’s lives, sensing that it will never be you in the center. I can tell you, living like this makes the strongest Soul run dry.
After the tears subsided, I thought about my life. About how I want to feel. I want to live in the Knowing that I am the woman in the center, no matter if it happens. I claim to be the woman in the center, I feel like the woman in the center. I agree, that I am worthy and deserving of being the woman in the center. I am already great, a great friend and human being, open to others and with an open heart. I know I can be so much greater with the right partner in my life, feeling nourished and provided in all areas that I can only feel provided for in the presence of my partner, my man.
And then, I stepped into the center, into the innermost circle of my very own life. In the center, there is no fighting against unseen forces, it is claiming what I want to experience in this life. I want my life to be a celebration. A daily celebration. Creating beauty, creating moments, experiencing beauty, experiencing moments. And this, for me, includes making art, holding space for others, forming deep connections, creating events of dance, glitter, and beauty—and celebrating a Sacred Union, right at the very center of all the circles that are my beautiful life.