J-9

I am at the airport, in Faro. My car is parked outside on the long-term parking P3. It’s a sign I am a resident now. I wanted this so badly. And yet, now the world has become my home.

The last time I left here was on the 18th of November. I am a different woman today. Softer, kinder, more rooted, my heart more open, especially for myself. O walked from the parking to the terminal and felt that all is possible for me. You, our adventurous life, the wilderness we will see together, the raw beauty of this earth. I am free. And by that I mean: I don’t need a place, I don’t need to achieve anything to feel in harmony inside. And most of all I feel that my dreams are possible.

Usually, when an idea blossomed in my heart, when something lit me up from inside, the next second a sense of disappointment arose. Like twins. Or: like a shadow. Nice, but not for you. It makes so much sense that I had stopped dreaming.

I am flying to my parents. So this is not much of an adventure trip. It’s more something I feel obliged to do. And some days ago, I admitted this. And then I permitted myself to be okay with not loving my parents, to be okay with not wanting to go. I had worn myself down with expectations of how I should feel. And now, it is okay to go. The visit can be whatever it is.

My parents play a part in my former belief that my dreams are not possible for me. Today, I set them free. Walking towards the airport, in the morning sun, with this feeling, means ALL to me. A feeling I had dreamt to for a long time. It feels so natural and nothing of being arrogant or thinking who the fuck I am.

No, my being just knows that all is possible for me. I see this Jeep and I see us, not needing any road. My heart is as wide as the desert I want to cross with you and as open as the vastness in Mongolia that I want to experience with you. You and I. And eventually one and one makes three. Simply because life happens through us.

In the line for the security I feel: I do not have to look for you any longer. I can just be. Within the energetic signature of my Truth, my Adventure, my Sexuality, my Sensuality, my being Me. I also feel that I do not have to demand (outwardly) my wishes any longer. It is more a matter of being in a very clear energetic state.

Last evening, a freedom I have not known started to enter my being. I was free. I was given a chance, a long insight of that I am free. The thoughts about the previous man and what he stood for stopped affecting me. And I really could not understand any longer the point of thinking them at all.

“The moment I realized my cage was made of thoughts I became free.” This was once a quote and now an experience.

I can’t say how Grace happens and healing. I just can say: setting the intention helps. And then forcing nothing.

There is so much beauty that wants to be expressed through me and so much joy and fun to be felt, I am looking forward to this new experience, to this new way of experiencing Life and this earth.

PS: and with this feeling state comes patience

Like Wayne Dyer said:

Infinite patience comes from infinite trust.

And before the plane takes off, I release the fear that this feeling state passes. Because I know it is the Truth.