J-13

I read: make an intention, know you are always connected to the field. And that is it. No excess energy. I realize that there is still a flavor of bargaining/ anger/ go-getting in my intentions. So in the end the fear of not getting what I want - a life with you. The belief that I am denied (by God) what I really want.

I woke up this morning, very tired of all the years I had asked myself why I wake up. Where it took me at least two hours to get into a normal mood. There was one day in France when I woke up and was just happy for waking up in a place I like.

I want this to be a normal experience for me.

Then I thought about all the years where my body never heard nice things. When I was already in fear of the voice starting to comment on all of my body’s failures and my failures. This ends here.

I thought about all the subtle ways (now, that I have changed all outer bigger things) in which I cut myself off of my own life force energy.