Day 6 - to value is to see

The question comes up: what do I want to do with my life? With this gift. And how do I want to value all the gifts that come with this gift (life). My talents, my experiences, my beauty, my eye for beauty.

The greatest Grace of the recent days is that I have joined my own team. Working for myself, voting for myself, rooting for myself, believing in myself. I can do it is no longer an affirmation that I try to hammer into my subconsicous mind while hearing a choir singing: you are kidding and then shouting against that choir: no, I can do it.

How did this happen? It was not my direct intention. The direct intention was to stop exhausting myself and living in balance and harmony.

Voting against myself is clearly out of harmony and whenever I do it out of an old habit, it feels extremely painful. So stopping these thoughts becomes easier. It probably has always been painful but with this new awareness for inner harmony the contrast feels more obvious.

I notice again, that I did not “do“ something actively. My mind tries to. It tries really hard. It sets and intention (which it was made for) and then it takes over the job as well. It tries to surrender, to make me happy, to go into a deep trance, it had tried to turn the Algarve upside down and shake my house out of the woods so I can find it. It tried the same with finding my partner or molding a person into the right partner.
A friend was hosting an Inner Dance session and I joined. I feel all the sessions and modalities are coming to a pause for me. However, in this session, I became very aware of all the good intentions my mind has - to achieve things it was not made for. It really tried to go into deep trance. And I felt warm an compassionate for it. It is so hard when you really want to do something - and you can’t. It’s just not within your capacity. I felt my mind was very sad, feeling powerless and useless to bring me into deep trance. I believe it wanted this experience for me. I didn’t go into deep trance, but I understood my mind.

The mind is so useful for choosing an outcome. And also for receive guidance and then setting the guidance into action. It is not made for forcing the outcome into being. This is the job of Life, of Trust and Faith. And my mind can choose to Trust and have Faith so that all within me feels in Harmony.

Coming back to valuing my life and all that it encompasses: it has also become very painful to not value all that I have been given and all that I have learnt and created.

Within 14 hours, Life sent me three messengers to start valuing what is within me, what I am creating, my beauty, my contribution, the value I am adding to the life of others, my money, my body, all that I am.
1) A friend came over. And she had stepped into her value. Not by changing anything on the outside - but my changing her belief about herself. The shift happened in a way that is unique to her, it is different for me or you. So no methods mentioned here. It’s the intention that counts: to start valuing yourself so highly. With her new belief that she is enough, just great the way she is and with what she has to offer - people started coming to her, for her services. I said I had nothing to offer. Or: a voice said it - because I could hear it and watch the small feeling that was in my body. She pointed around in my living room, full of my work. Everything is already there.

2) A phone call with a woman who was interested in renting my apartment. There was a gap between the rent she wanted to pay and my price. I suggested we fill the gap with a photoshoot. She had changed her prices to almost double in the past six month, because she had evolved she said.

3) An aquaintance asking about my experience for printing garments. He wants to sell positive messages and only function as a designer and “let the working magic be done somewhere else“.

It’s time for me to step into the value of my creations, of my work.

It is me who had given it away for (almost) free. It is me who said it was just a hobby (while wanting it to be my profession), it is me who sent the energy of being a self-service store where everyone could take (ideas) what they wanted.

This ends here and now. It is not loving towards myself. It is not honoring my gifts.

Everything is already there. It is a saying that used to annoy me so much. Everything is already there if you see it. And you see it when you value it. That, as I am writing these words, I realize, is true for everything.

Today, I loved myself. And it didn’t stop. I was high and still am. A quote came through:

I loved myself and was afraid to wake out of this illusion.
But what if I had finally woken up?

So what if this is the normal state. And all other states are simply not true. I really don’t care what the truth is. Because this feels good. I created a new shirt. Had an idea for my website. I wore a sexy Goddess jumpsuit at home. I had a call with a friend and coffee with another - both deep exchanges. I saw my hair grow. I said nice things to myself without affirming them. It was just natural. How great it is when your cheerleader lives inside your own body and mind. I didn’t care at all about the life of others. Because I was immersed in creating mine. Blessing what is - and also claiming better. All obstacles felt like helpers. In choosing better for myself.

What if this is my new state? And there is no falling back into an old one. What if the past is really over?

Isn’t it this point that we are all (inner) working towards? Where it gets more light and easy to make loving and balanced choices. Recognizing this point and moving onwards differently.