7 The Accelerating Power of Separations

I feel that a cycle has come to an end. Some weeks ago, I already had the feeling that the man I had been with had left my energetic field. Or: I went on a frequency that did not contain him (what he stands for) any longer. The peace and freedom and unconditional Love I felt (both for him and for myself) was beautiful. However, this state was not permanent.

Yesterday (which from a feeling state was the best day of my life so far), I didn’t think about him or the lessons. It was not as if he or we had never existed, it felt more like a memory from a time far, far away. A life far, far away. His name was a name, more meaningful than the names of random people, but not more meaningful than the names of other men that had mattered in my life and heart before him.

Freedom, peace, Love - and a surge of energy that became free for creating.

While writing the above, I realize that the perception of time changes as we shift states of being. When remaining in the same inner state (for example in my fav state of transmuting atm, victim mode), time seems forever and past the same as the now and the future. When we shift states, leaving victim mode in this example, the previous state and all (or some of the conditions) it had contained seem to be far away. Unreachable. Unreachable in an energetic or emotional sense. In words, yes, in emotional connection - no.

So it came to and end and I became free. I stopped seeing license plates with his and my initials all the time. Actually none today. Whereas before it had been multiple times. Might be coincidence. I don’t think so. I have the chance to be free and I say yes, including some sadness that it is really over now.

Another indicator is this: all the things he had said to me I can now say to myself. That I am perfect the way I am, that I am an Angel, that I am beautiful, that I am a perfect partner. I have become that. In a strange combination of hearing him saying these beautiful things all the time - and going through the separation and the way it ended, him having a new woman in his life very soon after I had been leaving, maybe even before.

I think that Life put me into this or: I had created this so that I finally was forced to come into a deep Love with myself. That I finally had to choose myself and my life and my happiness. From deep inside. Because nothing else is sustainable. And lukewarm self-love is not enough. Luke-warm in the sense of: loving only what is easy to love/ accept, what doesn’t challenge my self-image too much, loving myself for the sake of getting something else.

I always felt and so did he that we knew each other since a long time. And probably we had made a deal to meet up here in this life and help each other to become free of beliefs and emotions and stories that kept us small. First through loving each other and seeing the best in each other - and later through putting each other into immense pain, a pain that had existed long before we met in a beach bar. I imagine us meeting some day, maybe in the Infinite, thanking each other and agreeing what great job we both did. How genius of us to create this whole scenario.

I feel complete now. Or more complete than I have ever felt. As experience shows, there is always “deeper” and “more”. More Love, more understanding, more compassion. I am happy where I am at now. Taking it step by step. Without the wish and friction of wanting to skip a step. Each step is the portal to the next.

I am aware of limitations and where I hold back. Other than before, I have stopped being angry at them. They are there. I am here to take care. Before, I was limitation, I was the bad one holding back - or not being able to move forward. So I was mad and angry at myself and jealous of others who moved forward. This is a new found feeling for freedom, a changed perspective. The main shift is to stop identifying with the perceived limitations or incapabilities. It’s not me. It’s something I have signed up for for transmuting.

It’s the 51% state of being. I honestly do think that up until now, I didn’t have Free Will. Or: I was not able to exert Free Will. Because I was identified with