15 from Push to Limit

Sometimes we need to create situations that help us to emerge into who we really want to be. Often, these situations are make-or-break points, where you feel something is at stake, namely: you and your own precious life. Maybe it is the first time you realize that your life is precious, that you want to take it seriously, and that you need and want to take yourself seriously.

As I’ve written in "Luggage," pain—or an extreme situation, for that matter—helps us to release what we can’t carry on any longer. If you want to survive, hindering beliefs and mistreating yourself (in whatever way: thinking poorly about yourself, all that is not supportive…) need to go. Funny enough, all the things that need to go that are negative ones. There is not one positive thing you need to leave behind.

You realize: all you have and need is you. No friend can make the shift for you, no partner can release your mean self-talk; it is all you. You need to become your biggest fan and cheerleader. Even if you wake up next to a supportive partner, the first thing you wake up to is your own voice in your own head and your own feeling within your own body.

Years ago, I needed a one-sided-love story, to start writing again, to start creating, to start viewing the world with awe and wonder again - and to feel love, also for my own life. I kept the idea of this person because I believed that I needed him to keep this feeling of love and the flowing creative energy alive. I had also used the idea of this person to become “better,“ to change quite some things that I wanted to change about myself and my life. Until feeling unwanted was not a match to the new me any longer. From today’s point of view, I had also put myself into a permanent state of lack (of this person in my life). Maybe I would have changed anyway. Maybe I would have started writing again anyway, learning French, traveling, leaving my own company, expanding my friendship circle, changing beliefs about myself. Maybe. It happened the way it happened.

And I remember the day when I realized: between the life I want to live and one I do life stands the idea of this person.

There comes a point when the push (situation) turns into a limit—a veil that is clouding your newfound power or joy for life. The very thing, person, or situation you once needed as a push becomes the very obstacle between you and the life you are ready to live. And this is the point when you start to see the push-situation (or person) as luggage, and, bare of its function, you are ready to let it/ them be free, at another frequency.