16 WOW for no (outer) reason

A miracle happened: I am loving myself, my life, the opportunities, my past, and the time with the last partner. There are no external reasons for this change. A few days ago, I screamed in my car, "I am sick of this!" This referred to the feeling of smallness. Sometimes, I drive and scream in my car. I also scream at God. It's the kind of screaming (using words) that leaves your throat untouched, with your voice perfectly healthy afterward. This indicates (as I learned in Method Acting and later in different healing modalities) that something is being expressed and cleared rather than reinforced.

I was sick of feeling small. So sick. This time, feeling small took the form of being afraid of running into my last partner and his new companion. I felt that two people together represented strength or an outward sign of moving on. Over the past few weeks, I became aware of how exhausting this was and how unfair and unloving it was to myself, considering all the changes I had experienced over the past six months. I knew I was done feeling this way, yet the feeling persisted. Even when I removed the face or energy of my last partner from the equation, the feeling of smallness—of feeling caged and unable to let my life flow freely—remained. This feeling had occurred many times in my life before, different situations, same feeling.

It became clear that I couldn’t do the release alone, so I placed the situation in the Surrender Bag, gave it to God and attended a KAP session with Magdalena.

The next day, a friend from Berlin called. We had been out of contact for three months, and this was for a reason: she had left her relationship and went inwards, facing herself, learning to support herself on a whole new level.
She also described her feelings while walking through the neighborhood where her ex lived—and these feelings mirrored my own feelings.

Something within me clicked, by sheer Grace. I felt all that she felt, in my body, and it suddenly seemed so senseless. There was no sense in feeling small. There was no good reason. It seemed as if something had been released from my system that had made be believe that feeling small and under constant stress was normal.

I don’t know what it was (and I don’t care), maybe I had recalibrated my nervous system to a state of greater safety during the past months. Maybe I had just reach a point (that is not in my control) where I really surrendered the smallness-issue (which also is not possible to do with the mind). Maybe it was just my time.
I don’t know. I only know it was a heartfelt Intention, no idea how it could work—and then it was Grace (like always). I also know how I feel since two days. I feel good. Overall good, with some bumps—good with bumps. Not Bumps with good. It’s new, it is authentic, it’s healthy and feels as if there is a strong base below. I want to remain here, in this state of feeling. As my new normal.
So I consciously release the fear of “falling back” into the old state of being.

Caroline Myss said “The only valuable thing you have on Earth is your life force energy.“ Mine is flowing again. I believe in the longest and most stable way since I was a child. Gratitude is not a matching word for this.

I am simply happy to be alive. The alive version of alive. The sparkle in the eyes version.