14 Veils and Fogs

I have a strong headache today. It clouds everything I do. The presence of this veil (pain) is very obvious. I want to get rid of it and nothing helps. So I accept it and while in bed at daytime I ask: what is the Truth about this situation?
I don’t mean the headache. It is the situation or a state of being where I feel veiled by something.

Today it took the form again of fearing to run into my ex. I am really sick of this fear. In a literal sense. I realize that this ex is just a placeholder. If I remove him and just stay with the feeling of unease, it had taken many forms before: a friendship that had ended, my business partner, as a child the fear of a deadly disease.

In my beginning 20ies, I had ended an eating disorder by starting to drink red wine. The addiction had not been gone, it had just shifted, transferred to another vehicle. The core of it had remained untouched. It is the same with the veil. The veil stands for a state of feeling. In essence, for fear.

I have lived with this veil since most of my life. The veil that infiltered how I perceive the world and how much joy and presence is available to me. It feels as if it is sitting in my bones and between the joints. It feels like dust and I want to shake myself and dust it off.

I know a life beyond the veil is possible. I have been there. And I wish to remain there. For a very long period of time. And so it is.