9 Peaks and Valleys
I am thinking again about the supermarket analogy from yesterday, about manifestation altogether.
In the end, Life, or God, wants to get us into a state where we feel worthy, whole, connected, powerful, and humble at the same time—full of belief in ourselves and our abilities, aware of our magic and beauty.
In such a state, it is easy, natural even, to choose from the things displayed in the supermarket.
I have become aware of something that is obvious:
no one but me can put myself into this state.
Others can help, be my mirrors, and help me see—but seeing is up to me. Believing is up to me. No one can do this for me. No one can choose for me.
For a long time, I lived with the belief that things would be easier in a loving relationship, until I learned that this is not necessarily the case. I remember how much I appreciated my body while being with Thomas (that was a while ago)—and after, all doubts came back. Yet, I persisted in believing in a psychological version of the prince on the white horse: that I would finally choose myself, love myself, believe in myself, and love my life.
Now, I understand that this period I am spending “alone” is here to help me step into my own power, to look into the mirror and love all of me, to feel simply okay from deep inside, to feel complete with no need to prove anything to anyone. I am learning how connected I am with God while I am on my own. It is easier to spend time with God when fewer people are present in your life. I am accepting how worthy I am of everything that is in my heart (my own supermarket).
Some people would say what is in my heart is ridiculous. Once, there was a part of me that believed the same—ridiculous in the sense of impossible. And this felt so hurtful. When you don’t believe in what is in your heart. Or, when you don’t believe in yourself (your worth and ability) to make what is in your heart come true in life.
Yesterday, I read a book, Peaks and Valleys by Spencer Johnson. A short and beautiful story shows how you can transform valleys into peaks. Here are some supportive quotes:
The secret is to truly appreciate and enjoy each time for what it is while you are living it.
If you want fewer valleys, avoid comparisons. If you enjoy what’s good about the moment, you feel more like you are on a Peak.
The Path out of a Valley appears when you choose to see things differently.
I find the best way to get through a Valley is by creating and following your own sensible vision.
To follow the ridiculous dream in your heart. I imagine myself standing in the supermarket, as the person I had been just half a year ago. The shop manager would come and hand me my dream. I would have received it as a victim, as a rescue anchor from drowning. But in my heart, this is not who I want to be. I used to pray: "Send me something or someone. I need something. I can’t move on."
Lately, I changed this prayer to: "I can move on, and I appreciate some support here. Send me strength, guidance, or whatever is needed for me to proceed." Standing in this supermarket, feeling whole and free, and then walking out with the item(s) of your dreams, happy and proud—that is a different thing.
I still believe what I want is ridiculous—the other version of it. The insanely-amazing version.
PS: there is an easy way to check in with yourself in your very own supermarket. If you feel you need to steal, the body is usually tight and tensioned. If you feel worthy and open to receive, the body feels soft and relaxed. You can also use the body to change states, from stealing to receiving.